EMF can't hurt you if you're dead: A new nadir for the electrosensitivity industry

Bronwyn Rideout - 14 April 2025

I had YouTube running as background noise while marking some essays the other day, and my playlist decided to reward my lack of attention with a new video by one of my favourite channels, Keya’s World. It’s a great channel that follows the various scams and scammers in the entrepreneurial and health & wellness spaces. Keya has an interesting perspective on it all, having once been deep into the woo. Her commentary style won’t be to everyone’s taste, but I’m always fascinated by what she finds; her videos on Matthew McConaughey’s foray into motivational speaking/self-improvement are appointment viewing. This time, however, it wasn’t McConaughey that pulled me away from my stack of essays.

It was EMF rocks.

No, really.

Rocks that repel EMF.

EMF woo is nothing new. There are an untold number of products being hawked that claim to protect you and your loved ones from all sorts and sources of radiation. Stickers, canopies, pills, jewelry; if you can buy it, then for sure someone has slapped a price tag on it. Our local annual Go Green Expo is a repeat offender when it comes to giving floor space to such companies.

EMF shielding rocks should be less shocking, as many minerals and crystals are touted as blocking EMF; it was only a matter of time before someone was going to go the pet rock route. But what I (and Keya and others) found especially egregious was the price: 1 large bag of pink Tesla rocks or crystals will set you back US$250.

Of course, one is never enough. If you drive an electric car, it’s recommended that you buy seven of them and put them behind the driver’s seat. Why? Because there is no evidence that you should be sitting on a massive battery. While I’m sure electric car aficionados like our former chair and Yeah… Nah! co-host Craig Shearer would have a few things to say on that front, I’m certain there is some fairly good evidence that driving in a car with several loose bags of rocks is far less safe.

Even secured crystals are not safe.

But that’s not all! If you use solar energy in your home, then you need at least 7 bags as well. A minimum spend of $1750 dollars for pink rocks, plus a bag to place on or under every bed in your house.

If you don’t give a shit about the environment and get rid of your electric car, then you will only need to buy a minimum of 5 bags to clear 2000 square feet - but the more you buy the better.

But what if you need to take a dreaded airplane? Don’t worry, you can take your rocks with you!

“Upon traveling and flying in an airplane with them, you can put them in a check-in bag. When you carry them on, please take the inner brown bag out of the decorative cloth and silver static bags. X-rays cannot see through the static silver bag. Once through the x-ray, tap on the brown bag ten times before sealing it back in the static silver bag, then the decorative cloth. You do not need to take the Mini Grounding Bag crystals out of the static bag. TSA’s X-ray machines are so strong that they can see through them. Note, please keep the inner brown bag hot-sealed. We have a window in the brown bag where you can see the beautiful crystals inside.”

Yes, this US based company will help you bring projectiles onto a plane. I know I’m salty that I have to take off my Converse High Tops every time I go through airport security, but to bring rocks in your carry-on when there is no professional reason strikes me as a ridiculous way to use up that precious 7kg allowance.

I wish that was all, but the grift continues.

Unlike (or maybe exactly like) the memes about the expiration date on himalayan salt, these rocks have an expiration date.

As per the website, Tesla rocks are strong but they aren’t forever.

“Why are our Tesla Crystals so much stronger than other crystals?

Our crystals have moisture with magnetic properties. They have about 74% moisture content in them. That is similar to our bodies, right?! The moisture with the magnetic properties makes them exponentially stronger for EMF protection then all the other known crystals for EMF protection.

To preserve your Grounding Bags for about 2-3 years, keep the bags sealed, out of extreme heat, and avoid getting them wet.

When the moisture inside the crystals expires, you will need to replace them. Nearing the replacement time, you can open up the decorative cloth and silver bag to look thought the window of the inner bag of crystals. When they turn mostly white in color, it is time to replace them.”

You see, in order for the tesla rocks to stay effective, you have to protect them from getting wet and from extreme heat; if the bag holding the rocks gets wet or accidentally goes through the wash, you will need to purchase another bag. If you care for your pet roc… I mean EMF rocks, they should last for 2-3 years before they need replacing. There will be people out there who are expecting to purchase more bags in a few years time.

I wonder how white the rocks are when they are put into the bag.

Searching through the website, there is little interaction from fans and customers; much of the interaction was in 2024. No new podcast appearances for the owners have been posted since then, either. Their Instagram page has been neglected, but their Facebook page is active, possibly indicating the target audience is one with the disposable income to buy rocks. The business might already be flaming out, as recent facebook posts are struggling to attract 5 likes.

But before we celebrate a bullet dodged, a similar (the same? A knock-off?) product is for sale in New Zealand. Using practically identical packaging and promotional images, Guardian Rocks are sold by Ecofarm Aotearoa - albeit with decidedly less pink Andesite rocks, rather than Tesla crystals.

Since the distributor is a farming business, the pitch is that using Guardian Rocks will improve the health of the soil, plants, and animals. The standard size bags are cheaper than the American equivalent, at just NZ$100, but the business opportunity is pushed even further with “farm-sized” options - 20kg bags of rocks that you can put in the dairy shed.

The similarity in the promotional materials now has me curious as to whether there is a wholesaler out there that is selling branded bags and multi-coloured rocks to be peddled. But that is a mystery for another day. What started as a bit of fun has left me less surprised, but decidedly more disappointed. Pseudoscience and fraudulent products continue to be imported into New Zealand at pace, and there is little to be done to stem this tide.