Product Review: Pearl Princess Face Mask

Mark Honeychurch - 10 June 2024

This weekend my kids and I picked up a 5 pack of face masks from KMart - a bargain (I think) at $12. My family, who were coming on this journey of discovery with me, each picked a mask that suited their personalities, or star signs, or something - Mermaid Feels, Super Star, Magic Mask and Radiant Glow. I chose Pearl Princess; after all, who doesn’t want to feel like a princess on a Sunday night.

The pack promised that it was going to help me RELAX - UNWIND - RECHARGE. And presumably it would improve my skin as well. The packaging had a chemophobic message, proclaiming on the front that this face mask was “Paraben & MIT Free” (parabens and Methylisotiazolinone (MIT) are both preservatives frequently used in cosmetics, with MIT often the ingredient used when something claims it is “Paraben Free”). This was interesting, given that some of the listed ingredients on the back of the packaging (Propylene Glycol, Glycereth-26, Phenoxyethanol, Hydroxyacetophenone, 1,2-Hexanediol, Sodium Hyaluronate) would scare most hippies away.

Speaking of scaring people away, wearing it was pretty shocking for anyone unfortunate to have to see me (thankfully only my family):

It was fairly obvious how to put the mask on - it had two eye holes, a nose flap and a mouth hole - although my beard did make the bottom half a little difficult. I considered cutting the bottom off, but then my daughter suggested that maybe my beard could benefit from being hydrated, or whatever it is this face mask was doing to my face.

As the instructions said to “Relax for 15 to 20 minutes”, I sat down with a book to chill out and enjoy my pampering. If you look closely, you may notice that the book in question is psychic Sue Nicholson’s autobiography (check out my review in this issue for more). And if you look even closer, you might spot that the bookmark on my lap is my “Card-Carrying Skeptic” NZ Skeptics membership card that we printed out for people a few years ago - I figured this was an apt bookmark for a book about a psychic. Those with super-sharp focus might even spot the book on the arm rest behind me - Medium Rare, the autobiography of psychic Jeanette Wilson. Spoiler alert: there may be another book review coming soon!

As this is a Totally Scientific (TM) test, I took before and after photos. I’m not convinced I look any younger in the after photo, but maybe when I walk into the office tomorrow people will comment on how youthful and relaxed I look.

I’m not someone known for having a beauty regime, but I have to admit that it’s nice to pamper myself occasionally, even if it’s unlikely to make a blind bit of difference to my health or beauty. I probably should have chosen a better book than Sue Nicholson’s autobiography to relax to, but I guess despite my protestations I have to admit that it’s been kind of fun reading it.