Coffee News advertising analysis

Jessica Macfarlane - 1 May 2018

How much fake news is in your Coffee News?

Coffee News’s website http://www.coffeenews.co.nz/ sells the publication as a way to be a Coffee News entrepreneur. It explains with the help of an embedded Youtube video that you can set up a franchise in your local area selling ads supporting local companies. These free publications are available all across New Zealand, from Kaitaia to Southern Christchurch (there seems to be a big gap in the Southern and western South Island region).

I picked one up when I was waiting for some pizza from the local shop and spent the time eyebrows raised at the number of ads for nonsense.

I did some analysis on the January issue of the Christchurch West addition of coffee news and found out that of the ads which were uniformly 37.5cm2, almost 22% (7 of the 32) were for products skeptics have debunked. 11% of the total surface area of 2478cm2 was taken up by these ads. Adding in the horoscopes too, it came to 14%. Doesn’t sound like much? Imagine 14% of your face covered in pimples.

Horoscopes

Horoscopes make me think of the stars which is no bad thing. Who doesn’t like to sit outside on a quiet evening and look up at them. We are made of star stuff.

The idea that stars in space can exert any power over us though is gold plated top notch nonsense. My yoghurt pottle literally exerts more gravitational pull on me than the stars, and due to yogurt’s calorific content and the looks of admiration in my peer group flicks me as I spoon it in, yoghurt exerts far more influence on my health, my waistline and my ability to succeed in life and love than the stars.

But Coffee News’s horoscope was not only not useful as a life guide, it was also not up to date. How do I know this you ask?

Whoopie Goldberg on US T.V. show The View said last year that NASA had just announced that the zodiac is actually out by a month and there is a 13th sign. Neil De Grasse Tyson the guest on the show explained that that news broke at least 200 years ago. He said the 13th sign was called Ophiuchus (meaning serpent-bearer) which was a large constellation that is regularly forgotten about and then remembered 18 months later in the news cycle. He went on to drop the bombshell that “most of the days you would be Scorpion you would actually be Ophiuchin.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YO1iBtahFWU

For more on the missing sign see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ophiuchus

Fortune Tellers

Clairvoyant readings – Private face to face, skype, phone or email readings

Ms Clair can “voiyant” you hard in the back pocket now that she has learned how to extract money from people via most available forms of modern communication. I’m waiting for forcible 3D augmented reality money extraction in return for being promised I’ll have great success in the future when I meet a man wearing the colour blue and something significant with the number 8.

For an antidote to people who take money from vulnerable people and give them terrible advice I’d recommend watching Derren Brown’s amazing show ‘Fooling ‘professional’ psychics’

Herbal Medicines

Aged Garlic Extract

For high blood pressure this medicine seems to actually have an effect according to the stuff article below and truthwiki.org. The active ingredient in garlic is made more digestible when it is aged, but please check with your GP before talking products that can affect the viscosity of your blood, in fact, just go see your GP in the first place. http://www.scoop.co.nz/stories/BU1603/S00041/aged-garlic-extract-reduces-blood-pressure.htm

Niagra “herbal alternative for men”

Unregulated and unexplained substances to treat personal problems of a delicate nature. Men please, see your GP. Too much is at risk!

Turmeric the miracle spice “beneficial antioxidant activities for the cardiovascular system, joints, skin, eyes and immune system.”

This was debunked by our Alison in issue 120 where to sum up she explained that curcumin, the active ingredient of turmeric passes through the body, not being absorbed and therefore not actually doing anything much while it was there. Compounds in pepper and oil helped absorption, but the amount you’d need to consume to make it ‘active’ would therefore be huge. You’d be better off eating blueberries which are actually high in anti-oxidants.

Weight loss

#1 reason for a big belly 4 sneaky hormones that are making you fat

One wonders what they are trying to sell you here. Information you can find out more reliably from your GP or treatments which you are much better off getting from your GP.

Manage your weight – garcinia cambogia diet pills

With side effects such as diarrhoea, brain fog, liver damage and testicular atrophy (in mice), it seems wise to avoid this product. But worse, according to womenshealthmag.com, The Food and Drug Administration in the U.S. was reported to have found a banned substance sibutramine in popular garcinia cambogia diet pills, which itself can greatly increase blood pressure and result in side effects ranging from heart attack, stroke, jaundice, seizures. (and because diet pills are not regulated there is no way to know if they will contain that substance or not). https://www.womenshealthmag.com/weight-loss/garcinia-cambogia-extract.

Youtube’s Scishow said about diet pills; you should consult your doctor, and, of the two main types of pills that do work, the effects can be short lived. Alternatively, you should just try a nice cup of green tea, exercise more and eat less bacon. If in doubt, please see your GP.

To sum up

So, if you’re out and about and happen to pop into a café or if you’re waiting to pick up your takeaways, you may come across a Coffee News. Rather than ignoring the pseudoscience, quantify it! Be an analysis nerd like me, email me with your data! editor@skeptics.nz with subject Coffee News %, and let me know the % “instant coffee” (in cms squared), the date and area of your Coffee News.