Peddling Wellness

A 'Wellness Festival' provides a couple of hours' entertainment, if not much more

The stallholders at Porirua's inaugural Wellfest in August were a mixed bunch. Among the 50 or so displaying their wares to the credulous, the curious, and the occasional skeptic were some who were probably innocents, searchers and idealists. Others could best be described as performers, tricksters, and self-deceivers, but how could you tell the difference? There was even the odd semi-legitimate business.

Among the innocents, one might place some of the Share International people (share-international.org) who, besides wanting a fairer share of the world's resources to be allocated to the poor, assured me that we are on the cusp of a change that takes place every 2300 years. A new age of Aquarius is replacing the old age of Pisces, and the evidence is to be seen in the Occupy movement and the Arab Spring. New energy from the cosmos is descending upon us. As ever, there is a proclaimer of the newly arriving age, this time in the form of Maitreya, slowly emerging through occasional appearances somewhere in the world other than where you are and in unexpected guises. His body of Love and Light will ensure him life till the end of the new Aquarian age. Unsurprisingly, more details of his radiance are available, this time from the books of his prolific champion, one Benjamin Creme, at just $45 each. Cheap at double the price!

For the doubtful, crop circles provide evidence of the incoming energy.

It's easy to mock, isn't it? The distress most of humanity experiences in everyday life has caused great angst among those manning the stall and they have responded by searching for some movement somewhere that offers hope. They were obviously sincere, well meaning and explicit in their search for a leader or teacher who has an answer, who can bind humanity together so that we cooperate in union rather than fight and compete. Such hopes invite vulnerability and it was sad to see nice people taken in by mysterious ghostly figures whose carefully managed distance protects them from scrutiny.

There was yet more energy cast upon the world at the Sukyo Mahikari stall where you are invited to receive 10 minutes of True Light at no cost, but do leave your contact details for a follow-up. I revealed myself to be a skeptic and asked if it would still work. Yes, of course, and would I like to sit down next to another visitor who was half way through his session, with a practitioner waving her arms over him and delivering a chant. I was pleased to do so, told my new acquaintance my name and closed my eyes as requested. My chanteuse commenced and after a few minutes of what I later learned was Japanese, I was left in dark and nearly silent contemplation of how long 10 minutes is. On completion I asked in what way was I changed. Well, I might have diarrhea later that evening! Diarrhoea? Yes, this is the way the True Light gets rid of the toxins in your body. Well, I had no diarrhoea. Apparently, I was already toxin-free.

Still in need of healing? Try Light Sound, the Vibration Healing provided by Marie Jarosch, who stands over her clients ($20 for 20 minutes) waving her arms and hands over their prone bodies, delivering what sounded to me like gibberish. The lady from the neighbouring stall (Victim Support) and I watched intently. Yes, we agreed, Ms Jarosch was one of the weirder practitioners.

But not so weird as the folk at the Soul Voice stall whose wailings had earlier intruded upon my contemplations chez Sukyo Mahikari. Here I watched two ladies waving hands in the air, keening and shouting incomprehensibly over their prone client ($10 for 10 minutes) lying apparently comfortable, half hidden behind a screen but visible enough to appear pain-free. Their colleague explained: it works on different parts of the body or on various emotional blockages. Language gets in the way and sound has to do the work, getting rid of the obstructions. If I have not explained this well enough, my deficiencies can be overcome through the purchase of books, for as little as $45 or an audio CD at $25.

Still unwell or confused? Try Craniowares where another lady, this time called Liz, was laying her hands on the shoulders of her horizontal client, apparently manipulating the bones and muscles, while gently delivering her talking cure. She looked bored but shouldn't have done at $80 for 60 minutes.

The same rates were charged by Jennifer Kearns who provides spiritual consultations at $40 for 30 minutes. I might have been tempted but fortunately she was absent, possibly away with her spirits but more likely gone to lunch.

And so one progresses from stall to stall. 'Free Spinal Screening' at Kelly Chiropractic, 'Zero Balancing' by Ann Kershaw at $20 per 15 minutes, lose weight at the Virtual Gastric Band programme or enjoy a psychic workshop with Sharron Bakker and Karen Ainsworth-Kopa for as little as $50 per half hour, etc. etc.

On the hardware front, you can ionise your water with 'alkalines' for improved health if you buy your equipment from ionza. Then you can reverse it for further improvements in health with equipment from Wellington Water Filters. Presumably you can toggle between them for infinitely improved health. And you can do all this for under $1500.

Yes, there was much nonsense, but frankly, it was amusing: listening, watching, receiving, participating and even arguing where medical claims are too blatant to ignore. The two-day fair at the Te Rauparaha Arena (admission $10 or $5 if booked in advance) drew a moderate attendance, with about 100 present while I was there. An organiser informed me by email that there was sufficient enthusiasm from the stallholders to hold it again next year. I'll be back for more then.