The spiritual Science of Alpha Beta, healer to the stars

The skeptics having been invited to Mr Beta's lecture, I went along to clutch, if not wave, the flag. I duly arrived at the local spiritualist church, a commanding fading edifice at 14, Gullible St. A chap with a withered leg hobbled up the front steps; things were auguring well. An audience of approximately 100 slowly assembled, 90% women, mostly middle aged.

Mr Beta began the first part of his three part lecture with a long series of slides, providing 'positive proof' of various paranormal goings on. He kicked off with a spirited defence of Philippino psychic surgeons. Various gory slides quickly had the audience glued. Anyone who suspects these Philippinos of trickery is an 'idiot'. An anonymous New Zealand G.P. has carefully examined these photographs and concluded that the surgery 'must be genuine'. An anonymous German eye specialist who doubted that the human eye ball can be removed from its socket and placed on the cheek, still attached, was 'ignorant'. When one puts the question to these 'scoffers'; "How long have you studied this surgery in the Philippines?", that always gets them (approving nods and smiles from the audience). The audience marvelled at a shot of an open Bible being held over a patient. The surgeon wafts the 'healing energy' in the book down into the patient helping the release of particularly stubborn growths. Then a piece of goo, the size of an orange, is flashed onto the screen. "How could anyone hide a thing that size up his sleeve, especially as they always work with their sleeves rolled up?" (positive hums of appreciation). After spending a long time studying these 'wonderfully skilled' healers, Mr Beta has refined their technique to the point where he now completely 'dematerialises', tumours, clots etc and then throws them away, in their still dematerialised state.

Many Hollywood stars have benefited from Mr Beta's ministrations. A slide of the late Lee Marvin surrounded by his many fishing trophies and Mr Beta impressed the audience. So too did a slide of 'old timer' James Coburn. Mr Beta also 'absent healed' actor Martin Sheen over the telephone 'the night before Sheen was shot doing the Kennedy film' (laughter and warmth abounding). Rita Cooledge (Rita who ?) and her sister pleaded with Mr Beta to absent heal their father, Dick. Dick was in San Francisco and Mr Beta in Malibu but Dick's terrible pains in the neck were healed enabling Dick to sleep nights. A slide showed Alpha performing the healing on the absent Dick, leaning over an empty table. Judging from the strain on Mr Beta's face, the healing may have taken a lot out of him.

Then followed detailed accounts of several healings. A nine year old Auckland girl had a pet lamb that died of a 'pulpy kidney'. Mr Beta went with the distraught child to the animal and after running his hands over it detected "a small flow of energy". The lamb was promptly healed and later went on to win the Champion of Champions award at the A and P show. Other healings of cats and dogs are cited to prove rebuttal of those who 'falsely believe that this kind of healing only works with Christians'. Then there was the girl with the worst case of 'weepy wet eczema' ever seen. Mr Beta is worried that doctors can not figure out what causes eczema when 'even farmers know' that it is caused by a bad liver. In this case, Mr Beta 'went to the root of the problem', dematerialised the eczema causing poisons therein and threw them away in their immaterial state. What is more, anyone could do this.

Anton was 2 1/2 when he was diagnosed to have leukaemia in Waikato hospital. A 'hopeless case' he was given two weeks to live. After healing, doctors were 'absolutely amazed'; he is now 6. Roderick was a terminally ill AIDS patient in a Santa Fe clinic. (Mr Beta was clearly uncomfortable about this one; the case was given a bent spoon award for credulous reporting in 1987). "I am not saying that I healed this patient, only that something dramatic happened". Roderick was able to check himself out and take a plane to Scotland where he has disappeared. Another AIDS case Mr Beta has 'worked on' was the subject of a half hour documentary for Los Angeles cable TV subsequently beamed by satellite all over the States and Hawaii. A new born baby with only hours to live was in trouble with what its doctors had diagnosed as 'its genes would not mix', After healing, the doctors were 'absolutely amazed'. An American geneticist is involved in this case and is to provide a written report on it.

The second part of the lecture consisted of slides on various occult matters. First came "photographic proof" of the existence of UFOs. The Book of Ezekiel was quoted to the effect 'a wheel within a wheel, and eyes all about it' and Genesis supplied 'a race of fair haired people coming from without'. More convincing was a slide of an area of flattened grass in Keri Keri which is a regularly used landing site for UFOs. Then came a photograph of two spoons one straight and the other bent double. He pointed out that 'seeing is believing'. He had actually seen a six year old girl bending spoons and went on to fulminate against the hard time poor Uri Geller was getting from nasty skeptics, 'liars or frightened of the truth.' He wagered that if a six year old girl's mind had been poisoned by people who say spoon bending is a hoax, then the girl would be unable to bend spoons. Her spoon bending gift is a result of her 'purity of mind'. Scientists are particularly to blame for they go about planting negative seeds in people's minds. Science produces atom bombs and 245 (sic) while spiritual science i.e. creative science, goes with nature and heals and spreads love. Often repeated and always eliciting a warm response was "It is so difficult educating the educated. It is so much easier with the uneducated, for they have open minds".

Mr Beta is also deeply into pyramids. His slide showed a bit of stale bread, a kidney and a knob of steak, that had been under a pyramid beside his bed for six years. Mrs Beta has a keen sense of smell and this constituted a rigorous field test, passed with flying colours. An improved version of the pyramid is kept in his 'healing room'. It is called a five by four generator (five little pyramids support four others with a metal plate on top). A beaker was put on the metal plate, an egg cracked into it and even months later there is no smell. "Who could possibly miss the smell of a rotten egg?".

A scribbled diagram of what was later described as arteries was flashed onto the screen. It was heavily annotated and a 'clott' (sic) emphasised. Mr Beta then related the tale of an anonymous psychiatrist who had been practising for 4 1/2 years. He paid an unexpected visit to Mr Beta while the latter was treating a female patient in the healing room. For some unexplained reason, the psychiatrist asked if he could draw a portrait of the patient, permission being granted, he set to. When Mr Beta went to look at the work it was, in fact, the diagram of the arteries shown and the artist had pinpointed the position of the clott in the patient's neck artery which Mr Beta had previously dematerialised and thrown away. So overcome was the psychiatrist by this revelation that he has given up his profession as a load of rubbish and taken up full time diagnosis.

Mr Beta has made at least one other convert within the medical profession when he was giving healing lessons recently in Queenstown, immediately above the doctor's surgery. The doctor was led to join in the healing sessions, unasked.

Part three was the highlight of the evening. Mr Beta was under the impression that the Skeptics were going to provide a patient to be healed. When none appeared he grumbled that 'these people let us down'. However he managed to get a patient from the audience and soon a middle aged lady was lying on the table. First, he explained his diagnostic technique. Without touching the patient he moved his hands backwards and forwards over her entire body. His hands were 'seeking out centres of negative energy', those where the root of the problem was. He chatted continually to the transfixed audience, who were craning over or standing on chairs for a better view. Small concentrations of negative energy were occasionally found, drawn out and flicked away with a loud click. While working, he said: "When I first started this work, 15 years ago, I would ask people what was wrong. But in 50% of the cases I would find my hands going to places other than where I would have expected them to go from what the patients told me. I soon came to the conclusion that what they were telling me of course, was what the doctor told them what was wrong. As the source of the problem is often quite different from what the doctor diagnoses, I now find it much better not to know what is wrong with the body, so that my hands can come up to the source of the problem and I don't have to worry about why it is there and not where the doctor would have said".

The hands continued to move incessantly, flicking and clicking. Suggestions were now put to the audience: " For those who do see and I hope there are some here tonight who do see and can describe the light coming out of my hands. I was speaking and demonstrating 18 months ago at the first alternative medicine exhibition at Auckland University when two young men saw streams of light around my body and flowing out of my hands while I was healing a patient. They also saw this grey stuff coming out of the patient and then saw how I scooped up this grey stuff and threw it away." Apparently no one in the audience saw anything.

The hands continued to move and the speech went on; "When I am healing patients, some feel light headed, some are aware of floating sensations, some are aware of levitation. Success. The patient responded "I'm aware of it, I'm aware of it. I'm levitating", but no movement she made. The audience was becoming restless. All of a sudden, Mr Beta located a 'high negative energy source'. His hands could not move past it; "Look at that, it's just like a brick wall". With much struggling, grunting and grimacing, he finally scooped up this invisible entity and at about a metre away from the patient, it broke away. He then threw it into a corner, soundlessly. "Everything always breaks away, The worse the problem is, the further away from the body it breaks. If that had been a bad cancer, or something, it would have broken away about here" (indicating a spot about three metres from the patient).

That concluded the entertainment. I asked him if he had ever had his healing powers tested under controlled, clinical, conditions. He said that he had tried and tried to have this done and had even approached George Gair about it. I asked if such a test could be arranged by the Skeptics, would he agree to that?. He eventually said yes, provided 'everything is above board and no one tries to put it across'. He refused to disclose the name of the Queenstown doctor who joined his healing sessions because it would be 'unethical to divulge this information'. Nor would he give a copy of the American geneticist's report, despite his earlier promises, because 'I know what you are up to'. A battalion of smoldering eyes was now beaming down on me and I thought it time to go. He became angry when I asked him how much his healing sessions cost, "I have never charged anything for my healing classes, in my life". In view of his deteriorating demeanour, I bade him good night, after first reminding the audience that Mr Beta's healing lessons are free.

Could a test or tests be devised? It seems to me that in principle they could. The usual escape clauses are not open to Mr Beta. He, after all, heals lambs, cats and dogs. Neither is there divine intervention in his healing because 'there is no such thing as miracles'. Anyone (with an open mind) can acquire these skills because they are a function of 'universal, natural laws' and nothing to do with the supernatural. The beguiling clicks that continually accompany his 'throwing away' of toxic material are not only audible to me, but can rearrange the ferric oxide on my dictaphone tapes. Whatever is generating these sounds is presumably material rather than immaterial and could therefore be scientifically investigated.